Solving problems means making decisions. Step1 is about making a choice to accept that you have a problem. Finding alternative solutions the solve it is the job in Step3. Step4 is about narrowing down those identified, possible solutions into one that you can do within your means and limitations. Step5 is about making the decision to act on that final, chosen solution.
So decisions are essential to solve problems. But there mere thought of making a decision makes us cringe. Even if we need to make just ONE decision, we will look for ways to either avoid it or postpone it. Have we asked ourselves why? Why do we shy away from making choices?
The actual reason may vary but it all comes down to one thing. Fear. People are afraid of deliberating or making a decision on choices. One of the reasons we fear making a decision on choices is that the choice could be a painful one. Another reason is that we fear that the choice we make will cause more pain. It may solve the problem but not without costing us inconvenience or even worse, lead to more choices.
But does it really have to be a painful choice? It is painful because we think of it that way. Why is something that will solve your problem be painful? Isn't it supposed to bring positivity because it solves your problem? Think of this way: adjusting to the sunlight at dawn can hurt the eyes, but what a view!
In reality, we make decisions every day, all the time. Whether we want to go work today. What road do we take. What time should we go back (wait for traffic to clear or sit in the queue). It is when we assign a great value to the decision that is becomes significant. I am not saying that we should make decision without thinking. Consideration and deliberation should be done but proportionate to the consequences. In fact, if you can, please take a step back before making important decisions. Listen to everybody but make up your own mind. It costs nothing to make a decision but we have to pay for the consequences. There is where some of the pain comes from.
In martial arts, sparring is always the way to practice. An instructor explained to me that sparring isn't just about practicing the technique but also learning to take the blow. If we are used to taking the blow, when it happens to us in real life, it wouldn't be such a shock. Sparring is not just about perfecting the technique and training our muscles to respond in that certain way. It is also to dull our senses to the shock of a blow. So something that is painful can also bring something good/positive.
Taking charge of how you feel
Start solving the problem you are facing with the right attitude and frame of mind. Start with the right feeling and you will have the energy and drive to solve your problem. You can even complete it without the 5Steps if your attitude is right. The 5Steps is a tool that you can use to identify what to do next or where to go from here. Bringing along the right frame of mind will help you get to the solution faster.
Most people feel really bad after something bad happens. When you come up to a roadblock that appears out of nowhere between you and what you want, you can feel deflated and frustrated. But you can change the way how you feel. I am not saying you shouldn't feel sad. In fact, crying over split milk can actually help.
Begin by trying to think about some problem you had in the past, something that happened at least a year or more ago. For example, you broke something. Think of how it felt just after you discovered you broke it. Why did you feel this way? Were you angry at yourself for breaking it? Did you feel sad because you couldn't do whatever it is you did with it now that it's broken? Did it belong to someone else? Did you feel ashamed or afraid about telling the owner that you broke it.
Most people feel really bad after something bad happens. When you come up to a roadblock that appears out of nowhere between you and what you want, you can feel deflated and frustrated. But you can change the way how you feel. I am not saying you shouldn't feel sad. In fact, crying over split milk can actually help.
Begin by trying to think about some problem you had in the past, something that happened at least a year or more ago. For example, you broke something. Think of how it felt just after you discovered you broke it. Why did you feel this way? Were you angry at yourself for breaking it? Did you feel sad because you couldn't do whatever it is you did with it now that it's broken? Did it belong to someone else? Did you feel ashamed or afraid about telling the owner that you broke it.
Now think about how you feel about it now.
Do you feel the same now as you did then?Where is the sadness? What happened to the fear? You may be still feeling some guilt, but not as much as before.
Does it surprise you that you don't feel that way anymore? Remember, you are in charge of how you feel. That doesn't mean you don't feel anything. It also doesn't mean you cannot be affected by events or people around you. It does mean that although you feel sad, you can make yourself feel relieved or happy (or happier). It does mean that if you feel angry or upset, you can make yourself be calm and composed. You can choose to face a problem in a panic or take charge of how you feel. Taking charge of how you feel will lead you to taking charge of how you think.
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